Starving. Not hungry. Im fine. Starving. Everything's fine.
24 hours.. Nothing looks small enough to eat..
36 hours.. I could eat the whole kitchen in one bite.
52 hours empty...If I eat I'll wake up in Hell. I know it. I can feel it in my bones.
So here I am, possibly growing crazier by the second.. or is my mind getting clearer? How do you tell?
I have had the WORST heart palpitations EVER today.. I felt like someone shot me point-blank with a buck-shot. I sank down on the couch clutching my chest and could feel my heart thudding like a fucking bass drum on drugs. 30 seconds. Felt like a month. I one-hundred-percent though I could possibly have been having a heart attack..The scariest part about it is that I wasn't scared.
I also stared at myself in the mirror and screamed silent attrocities at myself for about 15 minutes until I snapped out of it. Isn't it great that this is what I have to BLOG about on my DAILY blog about MY LIFE? God, it makes me sick how fucking pathetic I am.
There is nothing remotely attractive about this illness, about me, or about my life.
So, to end on a happy note.... well, I'll try harder to do that tomorrow.